Posted by Sama, at 09:24 on Tue, Jul 17th

I was forced to tell my mum about being gay, me and my gf had been dating only a few weeks when I had to tell her.
My gf and I were going to wait until she was in college but one day when we were at the beach we were seen holding hands by a friend of her sisters so she went and told my gf's mother so my gf ended up breaking down and admitting it.

My gf and I had only been going out about 17 days when it happened but we'd actually been more than just best friends sicne about the 7th of march when we'd first actually kissed and things progressed from there, I only got the courage to ask her out on april 30th but anyway when she told me that her mum now knew I had to tell my mum because if she'd found out from someone else it would have killed her. My step-dad helped me alot through it I'd told him months prior that I fancied my best friend and he was completely ok with it.
I couldn't bring myself to actually say the words I'm gay I just said "mam you know me and Dan Dan" and she kinda guessed from that she cried asked repeatedly was I sure and still to this day she hasn't accepted it she like my gf's mother thinks its just a phase, but they only see how we act as friends since we can't do anything remotely couple like around them since they find it uncomfortable, my mother is always bad mouthing the way I go on about my gf which annoys me but I can't do much since I live under her roof. My step dad is great about it though he jokes with me about it and treats it just like I was dating a guy I couldn't handle it without him my mum just ignores the whole thing. My friends were easy to tell since half of them susspected I liked my best friend anyway, but most of them are bi themselves so it was easy and I now feel we're all closer since I came out to them and they all love my gf lol one of my friends a bit too much

Posted by Stef, at 17:52 on Wed, Jul 4th

i didnt really get a chance to come out to my mum.. i was in a relationship with a girl in year 11, and christian kids were complaining that we were 'openly displaying affection", (not as bad as half the straight couples i might add) so the coodinater of our year rang my mum, without warning me before or even telling me after he did it. i just got home and mum said ".. so.. you and sarah..?" but she was fine about it, just annoyed i hadnt told her sooner. havnt told dad yet, dont really talk to him much. but if he cant tell by lookin at me then..
But im really shitty that the dickhead teacher took that chance away from me. Its a pretty personal thing

Posted by XRSTI, at 17:22 on Thu, Jun 28th

I first admited to myself in year 9, I had always denyed it in my head. The first person I told was my best friend. We were in my room and I asked her how someones name is spelt so I could correct it in my diary, I showed her where it was written, not realising on the page before I had written 'I think I might be bisexual'. She was fine with it and didn't act any different.
When I told my mum I was too scared to say it to her face so I wrote her a letter. I told her I wanted to tell her something. She came into my room later that day and I gave her the letter and ran to the bathroom. I sat crying and a few moments later she came in and said she was ok with it, and it's just a phase, and she asked if the feelings I had for my friend were 'sexual' and I was like 'I don't know!' (I was only 14 so I didn't really know what she meant.) I had told her not to tell anyone, but she had told dad, which annoyed me because she didn't do what I had asked her to! I wanted to tell him myself, even though it would have been harder.
I told my sister in a text, you know when you talk to someone who is next to you without actually sending one. She was fine with it but was upset to find out after mum.
It was when I tried to commit suicide that the truth came out to more people. After I came out of hospital my grandad, grandma and uncle were with us in the garden and my grandad was saying how he was ok with it. Later on, my uncle and me had a heart-to-heart, which made us closer and now we are closer than ever because he told me about what him and his friend used to do and how confused he was at the time.
I told each of my friends in different ways, testing to see which way was best. I told one on msn, another in a science lesson - I had written it in the back of my book and showed it her. I have only properly said it to someones face when I was drunk. She was asking questions about 'Stevie' (which is the code name I use for the teacher I like) and I said 'Do you wana know who Stevie is?' So that's how I told her!
My mum once admitted to me that she doesn't like it (after finding out I am a lesbian), and that she wants grandchildren (like there's no way I could have some!), and that she doesn't want me to be lonely all my life (I'm only 16!) I think she still thinks it's a phase but someday she's going to have to just accept who I am!
I have told alot of people, some have been ok with it, and some haven't, but it doesn't matter what they think, because they are obviously not true friends!
I even told the teacher I like (in a letter) and she was ok with that but when I told her I liked her she was a bit distant and then she was ok again. I'm not going to go into my life story but it's so confusing how she is with me! One minute I think I have a chance with her, then the next I think I don't! I'm just going to have to wait and see...

Posted by wendy, at 19:41 on Mon, Jun 25th

WELL,WHERE TO START...... I HAD BEEN DIVORCED FOR NEARLY 2 YEARS ( MARRIED FOR 10 YEARS) AND WAS LIVING IN A SMALL VILLAGE. I HAD A GREAT CIRCLE OF FRIENDS- ALL STRAIGHT- WHO I HAD KNOWN FOR YEARS. I ALWAYS KNEW DEEP DOWN THAT I WAS GAY FROM A QUITE YOUNG AGE- BUT WENT ALONG WITH ALL THE THINGS THAT WAS THE NORM- BOYFRIENDS, MARRIAGE, A CHILD.
ANYWAY ONE DAY AFTER REALISING THAT LIFE WAS PASSING ME BY I REPLIED TO A AD IN A LOCAL MAG AND TO CUT A LONG STORY SHORT MET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE! AFTER MEETING ALL MY FRIENDS ( SOME OF THEM GUESSED SHE WAS GAY STRAIGHTAWAY!) I MUST ADMIT I DENIED THAT WE WERE TOGETHER AT FIRST AFTER ALL I WOULD BE ' THE ONLY GAY IN THE VILLAGE!!!). FINALLY CAME OUT TO MY 12 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WHO HAS BEEN AMAZING EVEN THO SHE HAS SUFFERED A LOT CRAP SHE INSISTS IT HAS MADE HER STRONGER. I TOLD MY BEST FRIEND WHEN WE WERE BOTH DRUNK! SHE WAS SHOCKED BUT HAS BEEN FANTASTIC EVERSINCE AS HAVE THE MAJORITY OF MY FRIENDS - ONE OR TWO JUST REFUSE TO ACCEPT ME BUT HEY THATS THERE PROBLEM!!!! THIS IS THE BEST THING IVE EVER DONE AND MY GIRLFRIEND IS MY SOULMATE - WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 7 YEARS AND I COULDNT ASK FOR MORE!!!!!!

Posted by Archer, at 17:30 on Mon, Jun 25th

I came out by force, id started going to a youth group for young LGBT people, at i think about 15 (lied and said i was 16 to get in) and after a couple of months of vanishing every tuesday for 3 hours then returning to meet my mates, my friends decided to phone me at home during one of my disappering acts only to have my mum say "she told me she was out with u guys...infact i just spoke to her..." so when i showed up later that evening to meet my friends, they cornered me and demanded an answer, so i told them two said ewww, my best guy mate shouted "i knew u digged chicks!" the rest didnt really say anything. my mum asked later that night where i had gone and i used the excuse that i was out with different friends and she musta misheard me on the phone (which was technically true...) but the next day i just wrote her a little note on a post it saying something like "ive been going to a gay youth group on tuesday evenings" she was fine with it, but informed me not to tell my father,but she came out for me this year actually (im now 20).... made me realise how stupid my dad is...i broke up with my g/f who had actually been living with us in my room sleeping in my bed for a month, and my dad had no clue...until after the break up i started going out and getting drunk every night, and my mum had to tell him what was up, he gave me a hug and we never spoke about it again. i temporaily lost one mate after coming out though, cos my best female mate wasnt their the night i came out, but she didnt fall out with me for being gay...she fell out with me for being the last to know, and even the friends that said eww are still my friends, so technically ive had a good coming out, the rest of my family dont know though, and havent even seen me since i got my hair chopped off, wonder what they will say!

Posted by Suze, at 12:58 on Mon, Jun 25th

well, i never confronted my parents they actually cought me out with my gf at the time kissing. my mother asked me and i then told her. it didnt end like that though. my mother punched up my gf and i jumped in and attacked my mum.. she reckons she wanted to hurt my gf coz its not how i was brought up...
all my friends took it sweet. it was at the pub and my best mate stood up on a chair and told the whole place. which ended up being a good thing coz i got free drinx all night!!!
other then that ive been proudly out for over 3years without my parents support but im still a very happy person and oneday they will come around...

Posted by Sophie, at 11:20 on Sat, Jun 23rd

I came out to my best friend when I was 14..on a whim one night when I suddenly decided I was bi..I guess it had been in my mind for a while, but I was talking to her on AIM and decided I'd tell her..I couldn't even say the words "I'm bi" so I used my two bi friends as an example and made her guess by going "well you know how Louis and Will are DIFFERENT from other people? ..well I'm the same" but she took it amazingly and she told all my other friends.
Friends since then have been told through the medium of myspace cos when they add me they see my girlfriend plastered all over my page.
I lived in the closet with my parents until I was 17 when I decided I'd like to tell them..I spoke to my tutor who is also gay and a friend of my parents, about telling them and wrote a million letters improving it each time, then in the week before my parents found out, I told two of my cousins via msn, and my aunty by email. I planned to go and stay with my cousin at uni and text my mum telling her that the letter was in my room..that didn't quite work out because I stupidly left my email window open with the reply email from my aunty..the next night my mum said to me "I think we need to have a chat..I saw the email from Ann" and I was going "what email? I don't know what you're talking about" but then went and got my letter and sat in my room while she read it in hers..and she cried a lot and told me she didn't want me staying over my girlfriend's house "because I can't deal with the thought of that right now" and she cried some more.
My dad's reaction was *slaps on the knee* "well, whatever my princess wants" and from then on he's made awkward conversation about it like "so..how's things?" which gets an "okay." "good."
BUT that was just coming out as bisexual..I told my parents I wasn't too sure if I was bi or lesbian..now I've come out to my girlfriend and best friend and told them I'm actually just gay..I don't think my mum could handle the knowledge that there's no chance I'll end up in a straight relationship..so that's the next hurdle..I may wait till I go away to uni, then I don't have to be at home when she does find out.

Posted by ais, at 20:35 on Thu, Jun 14th

well if there was an award for the worst way to come out, i thnk i would win it! i first really accepted myself that i was gay when i wasa about 115 or so, before that i was in denial. after that i realized i would have to tell my friends, but i was really worried to! i knew thay would accept me, but i was afraid that all the stupid flirty things we did just joking around everyday would get awkward, or stop. i told my best friend after about a year. e's a guy, and i told him in a letter, but as soon as he read it he rang me to say 'cool!'. boys eh?
after that i got a huge confidence lift and told all my close friends. my parents was a trickier subject though, and this is where i fucked up.
we were having a graduation ball in school, and i wanted to bring a girl as a date. i said this to the teachers, but i went to a cathholic school, it wasnt allowed. but that didnt stop me trying! i annoyed the teachers for months, unil one of them told me that i wasnt living an acceptable life (!). well that pissed me off severly, and later that day while reading the irish times, i noticed thay had a column for teenagers and the problems they face. ah the naivity of youth (or rather about 9 months ago!) i wrote in. and promptly forgot about it, until about three months after, i got a phone call from the editor in charge of the column, who told me she thought thiss was a serious issue, and wanted to make it into a news story, to go on the front page of th irish times in 2 days. i was exhilerated!
although, while i was thinking of how great this was, a little voive in the back of my head was going 'ahem, ais, your parents dont know yet'. so basically that evening i had to come out, and tell them that not only was i gay, but in two days the whole country would know i was. that did not go down well at all, somewhat understandibly! i was force to ring the paper and tell tham not to run it, a decision i regret to this da and probobl always will, but my parents were so unhappy with it. my mother rang my sister in tears and told her, she is ever hopeful i will turn straight. and now they just completly avoid the issue althogether. yeah, so a tip for anyone reading this about to come out; newspaper announcements are for births, deaths and heterosexual marraiges only!

Posted by Charlie, at 18:01 on Thu, Jun 14th

I was way too lucky, coming out to my parents.

There was a Pirates of the Caribbean 2 premiere documentary on and that blasted Keira Knightley made me turn my head so fast that my mum knew exactly what was going on. :P She told my dad and sister over dinner, they didn't paticularly believe it (well, my sister did, having childishly called me a lezzer her whole life) but it was a start and it got me through. :)

Now, I'm completely open with everyone. Everyone I know has been fantastic about it and, being completely out, I've made some brilliant new friends from gay club outings. :D

One problem I had, having come out though is that guy friends keep trying to play matchmaker for me. ^^'

Posted by Emma, at 15:52 on Tue, Jun 12th

I guess i'm just one of the lucky ones, the coming out to both my parents (they've seperated, so it happened twice with me) was filled with them reassuring me that they loved me no matter what.

when i got my first (proper) girlfriend, my dad ended up asking me on the phone as he knew i went to gay clubs. he was all, "are you trying to tell me something?" in a jokey way. i was like, well "actually dad..."
hahaha

when i came out to my mum after MUCH deliberating, and after being out officially for about 8 months, i didn't even tell her. she asked me as her best friend told her, even though she knew mum didn't know, and mum cryed, but now she jokes about it and shes fine with it.

to help out EC, who posted at 23:07 on Thu, May 24th, you can come out before having a gf, i did, and if your friends can't accept you, then they arn't worth knowing. if you don't think your parents will handle it, you don't have to tell them. its recommended of course, as if they find out from another source (as i found out) it just makes it a hell of a lot more painful. i hope that helped :)

xxx

Posted by steph, at 11:56 on Fri, Jun 8th

ok well i always thought i was odd didn't really think about being gay as i never fancied anyone but i wanted the hot girls 2 b my friend so it all kinda makes sence now! i was engaged to a guy and a couple of other bf's but i was also having gf's to from the age of 15(my 1st experience with a girl i convinced myself i couldn't be gay as i ran into the bathroom afterwards and was sick!, but for some reason i kept going back) i was so confused i didn't no what i was and i never told anyone! it carried on like that untill i was 17 when i decided it wasn't fair on me or anyone i was dating so i ended my relationship and was single for a year i decided if i was alone i would be able to get my head round what i was, my best friend asked what was going on how come i wasn't going out on the pull anymore so i said i think i might be gay she said no your not she wouldn't have any of it and said she couldn't cope with me having another girl in my life that would be more important than her so i said yeah ur right im not and carried on as before.
after my year it was time to go out and see i ended up at a gay bar and my friend told me about this girl i was like yuck no short hair im not intrested! long story short she was the love of my life! lol so i decided i had 2 tell my mum i sat her down and after lots of heavy breathing i said i dont like boys she said you have managed it in the past i think she still hopes its a faze my mum then told my entire family my dad didn't speak to me for a few years and i was asked to leave the family home not apparently because i was gay but?
but im 23 now and things are pretty much cool i just dont take my gf home much as i know that they dont want to see it but im coo;l with that.
yeah so thats pretty much my story!

Posted by me, me, me, at 17:05 on Sat, Jun 2nd

I dont think there is such a thing as "the right time to come out". Its not a simple sayng, although its only two little words that have to leave your lips "im gay"!!!! I thought i would never be able to say it to anyone, i couldnt say it to myself for a long time.
Id love to be able to say that my "coming out" experience was lovely and acceptent but not at all. Here it is anyway......
I had been with my girlfriend for about a year at the time and was still living in the family home. I had no intentions of "coming out" to my mum until I was ready to leave home, just to make it that bit easier.
My plan never worked that way. My girlfriend went on holiday and wrote me a love letter before she went.... with expicit content of what she would miss.... you know were this is going.... Anyway I was at work and my mum rang up..."we need to talk......" then hung up. Boy I knew what was coming.
Nervous about going home I went to a friends house for an hour. But Iknew i would have to face the music sometime.
Well I arrived home to three bin bags on the step waahhayy, nope santa had not come early..........
Anyway to cut a long story short, later that year we had a family death and my mum and I got talking again.
Shes fine about it now and im still with the same girl. Were engaged to get married, so all is good.
My view is once youve had the courage to "come ot" to your parents you shouldnt give a shit who else knows. If they are going to judge you, they are not worth knowing. Just be true to yourselves girls. You dont go around asking people if they are straight. Its just plain rude........

Posted by cris howes, at 04:07 on Sat, Jun 2nd

Iread the coments here as a bitofan outsider , I too have the same jurny of coming out to friends and family, are hope and feer's are the same but people consepsion of who I am are differant from as young as I can remember I was told "Boy don't stand like that/ boys don't cry"
at 21 my dad said to mewile washing the car son if your gay its ok with me and your step mum, waw what an opertunity to come out . buti didn't ,Why because I did know , well not really I knew I was differant I knew I didn't think of girls the way guys did but I didn't like guy's eather ,infact I did even think of sex , the only thing that was wrong was getting naked felt so wrong ,things weren't right .
cutting a lot out after dipresion, confution, and a brake down, a trip to the Dr's lead me on a jurny of discovery and diagnosis of GID (gender indentity disphoria) , lamans turms Female brain male body ( not a transvestite )
wow enlightenment I know what I was ,I know why I had problems reverse parking :-) . but what to do how to come out .my best friend Vee was shocked but fantastic. every one so far has been great but all know nothing about it other than what the paper show . X soldiers in dress's . 2 of my guy friend wonderdwhy I hadn't told them years ago . I remember Kate and darril both coming out . but in my head I still see the stigma of being TS as worse than being Gay .
every day things are sorting them selves out
all the best cris

Posted by Claire From Wales, at 23:43 on Wed, May 30th

All my life I always knew that i was different... but it wasnt until i was in my early twenties that i fell deeply in love and egged on by my partner came out to my Mother that i was a lesbian and always had been.
For a while she was disgusted with me, wouldn't speak to me and living at home became like Hell on Earth because i honestly felt like i'd disappointed and shamed her.
The other members of my family were really wonderful and supportive.
But then my partner suddenly left me for someone else and my life pretty much caved in on itself.
But then my mum was really there for me and helped me pick up the pieces and its like starting my life all over again.

Posted by rute, at 11:48 on Wed, May 30th

really pleased for you... unfortunatly my parents were not as receptive as yours and i had to leave home... but thats a story for some other time when im not at work getting paid to check my space.com lol thanks for the read tho xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Posted by Emma, at 20:57 on Tue, May 29th

Again Im one of these people who dont really have a coming out story. It just took me a really long time to admit Im bi.
Ok so I had the suspicions when I started that whoile pouberty mess you know sneeking looks at other girls in the showers and so on. I just didnt want to say as I was quite introverted and My friends were very obviously straight. Then I went to Uni... ANd met my friend, shes wonderful and I always knew more could happen. It got all messed up as I was in a bad realtionship and he really chattered my self confidence and tried to get me not to see her. THere was a near miss thing and a few incidents but noiting substabntial. Then I hooked up with my other friend hes really wonderful too...it all got a bit strangers in paradise for a while. Its hard loving two people that much. So I decided to talk to my Mum. I was absolutly petrifed convinced that she would go mental, but she had suspicions and was totally fine. SHe told me to look at it objectivly who supports me and is there for me... He got that one. He also accepts I like women as well (if not more so than) men, he just finds it amusing that his partner has a bigger porn collection than him!

I still have my friend and she will always dols a special place in my heart, but I finally realised I cant spend my whole life wondering what if... it will just make me sad.I have lost come friends by telling them but hey if they cant accept who I am their loss, I am happy to be me and Im a better person for the experience.

Posted by Karen, at 15:32 on Tue, May 29th

meeting other gay people, and becoming comfortable with yourself being gay first is essential. Then you can deal with any negative responses easier. Not that it was ever difficult for me. My dad being a musician, having mixed with musicians and actors, ment he was used to being around gay people, so it was never a big issue for him. Mum was cool, just a bit of a suprise, and just needed to get used to it I guess.

Posted by Karen, at 15:32 on Tue, May 29th

meeting other gay people, and becoming comfortable with yourself being gay first is essential. Then you can deal with any negative responses easier. Not that it was ever difficult for me. My dad being a musician, having mixed with musicians and actors, ment he was used to being around gay people, so it was never a big issue for him. Mum was cool, just a bit of a suprise, and just needed to get used to it I guess.

Posted by Tara, at 11:57 on Tue, May 29th

Donna - what is your myspace? :-)
mine is: www.myspace.com/wizz_bang_mate

cheers!

Posted by Donna, at 16:23 on Mon, May 28th

I still haven't had the guts to come out to my family yet :(
I have a teenage son who knows and my closest friends know...i only came out last year to them. Whether my son has told my parents or if they have guessed i dont know. I keep hiding behind the fact that it shouldn't matter what i do in the privacy of my home and that i've always been a tomboy so they would probably already know so i don't need to tell them. Actually i'm just gutless. My work mates found out because of my myspace page...somehow its easier to tell people you dont know because you don't care about their reaction...like it or lump it!
I don't know if i will ever tell my parents, maybe if i ever got a girlfriend i would rethink, but for now....whats the point? The risk of upset and for what!