Fancy A Quickieby Lucy Masoud
I was recently having a conversation with a friend regarding the joys of sex in toilets. Unlike my friend who regarded such activities as nasty and animalistic I can’t speak highly enough of a good romp in the loo of some seedy bar or club. My reasoning is two fold;
Firstly, we have all been in the situation where you have been out on the scene and met the “love of our life” that we simply must have then and there (most likely due to copious amounts of alcohol and / or the happy pills you just digested) so what better place to show your love for them then balancing half naked, knickers down your ankles on a toilet bowl in G.A.Y??
Secondly you're out and about and its almost closing time, you spot someone who is fairly fit but not fit enough to warrant the long night bus home with, not to mention the dreaded next morning when you just want them to leave. A quick fumble in the toilet and with any luck you can get away without even exchanging numbers.
Sleazy and tacky? Yes! Convenient and fun? Most definitely!!!
After careful consideration I came up with a comprehensive list of the best toilets in London to have a bit of slap and tickle. The weeks of research that went into this article were purely for the benefit of the LoveGirls readers.
The most obvious place to start is the Candy Bar. Almost always a cert for a pull, especially on a Friday night after a few Black Russians. The cubicles on the ground level are far too small for anything too naughty and as they are visible to the staff I recommend you try the toilets downstairs as they are more discreet. Although there is normally a long queue the cubicle to the left is nicely hidden away so the two of you should be able to get it on long enough to be able to undo bras and unzip jeans. The added bonus with using the downstairs toilets is that the music is loud enough to drown out any squeaks and groans. Be on your guard however, the staff do random checks and could well spoil your fun.
Round the corner from the Candy Bar is Ghetto, a favourite for all you Pop and Indie music lovers as well as being handy for a late night bump and grind session in spacious cubicles with a comfortable septic tank that’s ideal for sitting on while “What’s her name” sticks her tongue in you. Be warned however, the toilets are possibly the mankiest in London, constantly covered in muck and grime. But if you can put up with a bit of nastiness, which of course you can, otherwise you wouldn’t be shagging in a nasty loo in a club in the first place, then Ghetto is a good choice. Make sure you save your frolics until after 3am, when there are not so many people standing in line.
If you’re a regular at PopStarz in Kings Cross you will know it can be a bit of an odd crowd, with lots of feather bowers and straight girls its easy to think your at a Smash Hits Poll Winners Party rather then a gay club. But don’t let that put you off, stick around long enough and sooner or later one of the straight girls will be drunk enough to want to lick you all over like a lolly pop.
I recommend you head for the toilet on the middle floor by the chill out bar. Not too many people know it exists so you should get away with a good ten minutes of heads, fingers, knees and toes before anyone disturbs you. Be quick though, you don’t want her sobering up and realising you’re not her boyfriend!
A must for all you wannabe toilet rompers is G.A.Y. simply for the fact you would have to be Stephen Hawkins to not be able to pull in there, and even he would manage to get at least one lap dance. So once you have picked the mulleted girl in question head for the loo’s on the ground floor. There are about 15 cubicles to choose from and although there is always a toilet attendant around, if your patient enough you should be able to sneak into a loo while there back is turned. Once settled in you’ll find there is enough room to head ‘down south’.
These are just a few examples of handy places to have a quickie when you’re out and about on the London scene. There are of course countless other toilets that have felt the wrath of two women but there is only so much research this journalist can do with out getting herself a reputation!
So girls own up!! Which toilets have you occupied for a little longer than you were supposed to? Ever been busted and thrown out of the club? Have any tips for how not to get caught?