Bridget McManus, the hottest new Lesbian Comedian, talks to LoveGirls about the reality of falling for straight women, tasting the rainbow and cleaning up her act

As a master lesbian I equate dating straight women to the celebration of Halloween. Halloween is my favourite holiday. I get to dress-up, role-play and most importantly stuff my face with candy. One year I ate out an entire bowl of chocolate bars and there is nothing I enjoy more than eating-out…and finger fucking.

While both Halloween and dating straight women can be pleasurable experiences you can't enjoy them every night of the year. Why not? Because they are not real, they are just fantasies.

Her name was Sara, I was 15 years old and I'm still bitter. I assumed once Sara realized we were meant to be together, she would shed her straight orientation and declare herself a lesbian. Dating Sara was like celebrating Halloween every single day of the year. At first it was fun but soon I was angered by her continuous knocking at my front door, always asking for gifts and never giving back in return. Just like candy, her love left me with a sour stomach, massive migraines and a chipped tooth.

After a year together I broke up with Sara for Rebecca, a tall brunette who fully embraced being gay and was incredibly talented with both pairs of her lips. Sara went back to dating guys and by the age of 18 she was married and pregnant. At my high school reunion I met up with Sara and she told me she was getting divorced. After 2 glasses of complimentary champagne she insinuated rekindling our romance. I contemplated taking Sara home, fucking her until she couldn’t speak and just when she regained feeling in her tongue I’d walk out on her like her heart walked out on me. But instead I took the higher road and said goodbye to Sara forever. It was an easy decision since Sara smelled like sour brie cheese and her lime green tube top dress illuminated her caesarean scar.

I have navigated a half dozen straight women into the world of full-blown lesbianism. However, my relationship with Sara made me question myself. Why did she still insist on being labeled straight while we were together? Why couldn’t I convert her into being gay? At age 15 I blamed my underdeveloped adolescent tits and my coarse pubic hair. Big tits and shaven pussy has always been the key to my heart.

Was it my fault? Did I do something wrong? Was I a bad lover?
The answers are:
No. No. and HELL NO I’M FUCKING GREAT IN BED!

My fellow gays have enough self-doubt by just living their lives in a heterosexual society that they don’t need the added stress and complication of straight people wearing masks and posing as homosexuals.

With age I outgrew trick or treating just like I outgrew dating straight women. But don’t get me wrong, if Superwoman knocked on my door and wanted my Skittles it wouldn’t matter if she were gay or straight I’d still let her taste the rainbow.

LoveGirls: First up you also appear to have violated LoveGirls commandment number 5. How do you plead?

Bridget: Bless me Oh Father for I have sinned. It has been 12 years since my last attempted and unsuccessful conversion of a straight woman into lesbianism.

LoveGirls: And do you repent?

Bridget: I'm on my hands and knees (well actually I was on my hands and knees before I started repenting) What can I say I'm a giver!

LoveGirls: Tell us how you came to be a comedian?

Bridget: I wanted to be a comedian since I was 5 years old. I use to run around my house telling jokes into a turkey baster pretending it was a microphone. Oh how I miss that turkey baster! It's probably a little small for me now though.

LoveGirls: Does new material come easily to you?

Bridget: My best material usually originates during a real personal intense moment. Like when I talk about telling my mom that I'm gay. There is something funny about tragedy.

LoveGirls: Are there any bizarre / silly aspects of your writing process?

Bridget: Sometimes I'll witness something funny in a public place and then I'll start laughing out-loud to myself. I probably look creepy walking around a store laughing and smiling when there is no one else around and I'm topless. What? Don't judge me. The girls need to breathe too!

LoveGirls: Do you get heckled much?

Bridget: I have only been heckled one time. It was by an older straight man that yelled out "God hates you for being gay!" He's wrong by the way. God was sitting in the front row and gave me a standing ovation when I finished my set. God has a big crush on me and tried to give me a hickey in the bathroom. I told him to back off. God is SO not my type.

LoveGirls: What was your best heckler put-down?

Bridget: To my one heckler I told him that I loved him. And then I bent down and winked and said "No, I REALLY love you!" He smiled and shut up for the rest of my act. How can you be mean to someone that loves you?

LoveGirls: What is your most memorable real life comedy moment?

Bridget: When I got kicked off stage at the Laugh Factory for titty fucking the microphone. I was asked to leave by the owner and told I had to come back with a clean set. I'm not sure how that would even be possible. The audience booed and many people walked out. I decided not to go back to the venue. There is enough love in this world to not have to deal with hate.

LoveGirls: Are you planning any trips to perform in the UK?

Bridget: I'd love to go! As soon as Virgin Airlines will give me a free flight then I'm there! (Do you think they would also provide a snack during the flight. It's a long flight and I'll probably be really hungry once I land.)

LoveGirls: What is the worst lesbian joke you have ever heard?

Bridget: Question: What do you call a lesbian with long finger nails? Answer: SINGLE! Okay that joke actually made me smile.

LoveGirls: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Bridget: In an ideal world ZERO. Instead they'd all be busy screwing me. WOW I feel like a dirty old man saying that. I'm going to go take a shower now.

LoveGirls: And finally, what's your favourite colour skittle?

Bridget: I'm an equal opportunist. Colour isn't important to me. As long as she tastes good.. I mean the Skittle tastes good. Dammit now I'll have to go shower again!

LoveGirls: I'll speak to Branson about that flight, but in the meantime if you want to see Bridget in action hop on over to her MySpace page and take a look at the "Ice House" video, sooo funny! http://www.myspace.com/bridgetmcmanus

To win a copy of Skins on DVD let us know the worst Lesbian joke you've heard or tell us about your experience of dating / chasing a straight girl and we will ask Bridget to pick a winner!