Can Fat Really Be Fit

We all know that as a group the "Lesbian Image" takes quite a battering from time to time. We are stereotyped often and unattractively as the checked shirt wearing, un-stylish, burn-our-bra-uber-feminists of urban legend. What a terrifying vision we must sound to those pre-pubescent hetero girls who are warned of a lonely GHD free fate by the cautious mothers of Middle England.

Anyone who has walked into a Lesbian Bar knows that this is untrue, and that in actual fact we are as much the slaves of fashion and the myths of what is considered to be "hot" as our gay male counterparts. This being the case I've recently become overly concerned with my own image, and more specifically the dreaded issue of weight!

Now that the summer is over there seems to be fewer and fewer reasons for me to be stropping around in just my bikini, not least because I live miles from a beach and it causes quite a stir at work. The truth of the matter is that I'm quite pleased about it. Constantly having so much flesh on show had been putting a lot of pressure on me to stay toned, and now it's getting chilly I can hear the distant call of the bakers, tempting me to stuff my face with pies, pasties and other traditional hip swelling English fayre.

The sight of me in a bikini is now very far removed from being worthy of a page 3 spread. Okay, perhaps I over exaggerate. I might make the centre-fold, but it would probably be a double page advert for Greggs. At any rate, my increasing proportions have given me pause for thought. As I see it I have two options. I can either take measures to return to my previous lithe svelte self, or I can continue to eat and drink my way up the fat laden ladder of dress sizes.

So, what do you think ladies? Should I conform to societal values of attractiveness? Should I allow how I view my body image and my self-esteem to be dictated by the media and generic Kate Moss types? Kate looks fabulous, it's true, but should we all want to be her clone? It has to be said that the media's view of the body beautiful may be an alluring one, but I would say that, because that's what we've all be programmed to think. Thin is attractive. Attractive is successful. Successful is happy. But are these things true? Magazines are all too quick to shoot down those people they spend their time hoisting onto pedestals in the first place.

But I digress, back to me! I, like everyone else am a sheep to conformity and incapable of independent thought, so last week I was determined to lose a little weight. Like us all, I've been guilty of spotting the slightly porky demographic in the population and shouting “Put the fork down!” (Just to clarify, I mostly only shout at documentaries on the television about obesity, not at unsuspecting passers by.) But I take it all back. I don't eat excessively, and so cutting back on things I enjoy (for that entire morning last week when I gave it a damn hard try) was like starving myself. I HATED it! I now almost have a new found respect for the tenacity and sheer single mindedness of the anorexics I know, though I am not promoting it as a healthy or viable alternative life choice.

The other option is naturally the "Big E"! I am not of course referring to doing so many class A substances that I forget to eat and dance off my puppy fat, but to that, my greatest fear (after clowns), Exercise! *Shudder* I tried ladies. I really really tried. And I'm sorry, but two hours in a room surrounded by focused grunting personal trainers and muscled women who looked and sounded like they were going into labour was enough to convince me that gyms are the Universe's way of telling me to get over it and just wear baggier clothes! Skin-tight lycra is clearly the last great leveller. It's a huge mistake for anyone to wear it, especially me, and I spent a good few hours trying to concentrate on moving around the room without bumping into any machinery as I didn't know where to look ... it was wall to wall camel toe. I was petrified.

These great revelations firmly in mind, I have made a fantastic discovery! If you like the recent craze for smock tops with an empire line they hide a multitude of sins (pies in my case), and make my breasts look huge. Strike! Equally, if you're feeling a bit more boyish, then shirts from Topman (I apologise for the brazen plug, but I have one and it really is HOT) do pretty much the same job. No muss, no fuss, no bother, and no me starving myself or flying backward through the air off a cross-trainer like a complete idiot! Simple.

Maybe we as a group need to all be a little less concerned with body image. I could do it alone, but just for once it would be nice not to be in the minority. If I'm honest I know that inside all of us there's a non-shallow all-inclusive lesbian screaming to get out, however cool and guarded we may act. My personal preference in women is rarely dictated by weight, and most of my friends agree. Strangely we all continue to be obsessed by being "thinner" because we perceive it to be more attractive. This is not always true. Whilst some may have a preference for slimmer types, we all know that when it comes to the crunch the most attractive traits in women are ones like confidence, intelligence and charm. I direct you to Exhibit A: Beth Ditto. I defy anyone who claims that they would discriminate against her on the basis of size. Yes she is a larger lady, but in every interview I've seen on the television she has utterly charmed the pants off me.

Perhaps what we could all do with (all women, not just lesbians) are more sexy yet large role models in the public eye. Strong successful women like The Ditto; like Amy Lame; like Sophie Dahl before she too caved to the pressure at the altar of "skinny", to show us all that to be slim can be attractive, but so can any size, so long as you're healthy and happy and have a beautiful attitude to match.

So, who'd like me to take them on a date then? I know an excellent chip shop, you can have anything you want, and we can stuff our faces on a park bench until we get huge. Okay, so I'm cheap as well as opinionated, but my thoughts on the evils of Capitalism is another article entirely!

How do you feel about how your body image, do you feel pressure to look a certain way?