Posted by Gin, at 15:32 on Tue, Feb 12th

SO HOW DID THINGS TURN OUT, ANONYMOOSE???


Hi, Anonymoose! I noticed that this started back in January. What has happened with you so far? How did it turn out? Are you now happy in your life?

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day and unbeknownst to me, she was going through almost the exact same stuff as me. Girlfriends were even acting similiar. I told her that I hope she doesn't have to go through the year plus that I did unhappy. Maybe she could learn from my story and not have to go down that road. ....But, alas, we are all different and choose our own paths. Most of us still want and have to find out for ourselves. Thank goodness for free will!!!

Posted by Shelia, at 08:59 on Tue, Feb 12th

My last breakup was awful, not because anything ugly happened, but because we loved one another so much. Unfortunately that love was not enough to sustain us because we just wanted different lifestyles at the time. Somewhat similar to what you're speaking of.

We didn't argue or fight, we simply told each other what we wanted out of the relationship. When we realized that it couldn't be, we decided to part, but to stay in each others lives.

That was several years ago and we have a great friendship, sometimes with privileges. Mostly our relationship is that of caring and support. It's actually been nice.

Posted by Gin, at 21:51 on Fri, Feb 8th

Wow!! This is the most REAL site I've read in a long time! I want to say thank you to all of you who responded! I'm 36 and have learned a lot in my years, but reading you ladies' comments has still been eye opening in some ways and a confirmation in another. It's always been amazing to me how comforting it is to know, hear, or see when you're not alone with what your going through. Comforting in a good way!
Your stories have helped me, so maybe mine will help somebody else.

I've been with my partner 16months. I moved about for 1 month in order to focus on me, get a clear head and take a real look at our relationship.

We are opposite in so many ways. At first, I thought it was great b/c we could broaden each other's horizons, so to speak, but we are like polar opposites. We fight/argue at least every 2 days and made it 1 1/2 weeks without fighting in our entire relationship! We've tried talking and we've tried counseling. We both love each other, but in my heart, I don't think we're compatible. The irony is, I knew in the 2nd month that she wasn't right for me, but I thought, nah, I'm just scared. (commitment is hard for me) I mostly thought this b/c that's what SHE kept telling me, even though my gut was telling me differently.

My own personal opinion, but I believe that most of us DO know what we want...as in, what we are Truly looking for. I speak for myself when I say what we wonder is "am I settling" or is this just how it's suppose to be? So many of us did not have good relationship role models...so how do you know??

I've learned that telling the truth is the best breakup advice. If you try the B.S. approach, most of the time they see right through it. If they don't, then you leave them questioning what they did wrong or could have done differently. I believe the most important thing the breaker can leave the breakee is Closure. It might hurt, but they'll at least have the truth and hopefully be better equipped to move on.

Hugs to all of you ladies who shared your hearts!!

Posted by H, at 09:06 on Mon, Jan 21st

Relationships are such a messed up thing. I think these things need to be delt with in a certain way. I mean you need to move slowly with these things instead of diving in head first, to see what your getting into rather than moving in together and making commitments before your ready, its unfair on both of you. Problem is people are too young and making commitments with people they've known for a second. Im just as bad i've been with my gf for 3 years we moved really quick with moving in together in a matter of months n all sorts. but you both need to remember as much as you care for eachother and enjoy being a couple and together your individuals as well with friends and family etc and to give you each your time to do your thing time appart to miss eachother as well as make a lot of time to be together and mix it up some nights in some nights out nights with friends nights without them. Locking people in and trying to behave like a married pair 60 yr olds just kills the relationship off. you can love someone to the end of the earth and back but you cant be in their company 24/7 it would drive you mad. some people think im wrong for thinking how i do but i mean i dont know many people who get married and keep a successful relationship going but my parents work that way and they are happier and more in love than ever after 27 years. When your unhappy you need to get out, using excuses is wrong sometimes you need little white lies or the usual sayings such as its not you its me etc but if you really care about how she feels and you want to do it with resepct for her as the main point of it all just be honest. tell her how you feel, tell her why you feel that way, tell her what you want, talk about it find out how she feels about everything and make the split as calm as possible. dont think you should jump into being life long pals though give it some time other wise it will be worse for you both, you need time appart to distance yourselves from the situation you know then maybe have a crack at being pals.

Posted by Lady R, at 16:15 on Sat, Jan 19th

I just split with my gf 2 weeks ago.Firstly, i sat and talked to her about what i want out of my life and future, and that it's very different from her decisions.She kinda took it ok, but then decided we should go meet a friend for a drink.Everything went fine, and then after we left the friend, she completely turned on me (was really drunk by now too), and started shouting abuse at me.She then later appeared out of nowhere while i was waiting for my lift home, and physically attacked a random bloke that was stood talking to me, accusing him of wanting to shag me!Since then, she has been bombarding me with ABUSIVE BULLYING texts and emails, texts from her pets too (saying they miss me), she even keeps hanging round outside my house, and has now resorted to texting me saying she wants to see me alone.As if; she is unstable.

I'm so glad i'm not with her anymore, but bloody hell, it's hard to break up with a girl when she suddenly goes physcho on you!!I'm now being stalked and it's driving me up the wall!

Posted by Becky, at 16:17 on Fri, Jan 18th

Why not be happy and if you are not in this scenario...off you go? It does not have to be who is right and who is wrong. Just a couple lesbians moving thru life. Onward and upward...
Touche...

Posted by Barbara, at 21:14 on Thu, Jan 17th

hey... who have never had a break-up? Once we left someone... once someone left us.... this is no magic formula fo the feelings you pass through no matter in what side of the situation you are on... And none of them is easy.... On your case it seems like you want to break with someone that you do not wish to hurt.. Let's face it girl... You will... no matter how hard do you try or what words will you usae cliche or not... So why do you not try pure and simple honesty?... As to stay friends... I am so sorry but after many break ups one of things I realised is that that friendship is no more than a last atempt to 1- try to see if the break up is for real if you are the one who is left or 2 - try to atempt to make the break up more bearable to the person you break with.... Once again... reality check: it almost never work... unlesss both of them were thinking in breaking up! but no matter what situation you are in honesty is allways the best policy! and follow what your sneses tell you to do... no one knows yourself better than you! hope all goes well
sorry about my bad english

Posted by Ellen, at 23:42 on Wed, Jan 16th

I just came out oof a 2 yr,on-off relationship which finally ended early this month. In a way,we were both at fault-I suffer from bipolar disorder so I'm not the easiest person in the world to live with,and she suffers from insane jealousy due to the fact that her 2 previous partners cheated on her. I tried telling her that I wasn't like them,but when it got to the point where she didn't even want me spending time with my best friend-who,by the way,is STRAIGHT and has a fiance and a 5 year old child-I decided it was time to end it. She took it terribly,as expected,and even threatened to kill herself,but she's gradually come to understand that we won't be getting back together this time. We've agreed to remain friends but I can't see that lasting either,because she keeps telling me she loves me & doesn't want anyone else,so I think I'm going to have to cut all ties with her and make a clean break. I'll always love her but it's just not worth all the pain she's put me through.

Posted by Cynthia A. Mosher, at 00:49 on Mon, Jan 14th

CHECK THIS OUT I WAS IN A 13YR RELATIONSHIP WITH I THOUGHT WAS MY LIFE PARTNER, SHE TOTALLY TURNED MY ENTIRE LIFE FOR A LOOP. SHE AND I HAD OUR 13TH ANNIVERSARY ON MAY 5TH, HER BIRTHDAY, OUR ANN IN BEING MARRIED WE MARRIED IN SEATTLE, BEAUTIFUL CEREMONY, WE VOWED TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER NO MATTER WHAT. OK SO SHE WKES UP ON MOTHER'S DAY CRYING TO TELL ME SHE HAS BEEN TALKING TO HER 1ST LOVE!! I WAS IN SHOCK! SHE PROCEEDS TO TELL ME THAT HAS NOT BEEN IN LOVE WITH ME FOR 7YRS!! O MY GOD WHAT WAS SHE DOING!! NEEDLESS TO SAY SHE ALREADY MADE UP HER MIND SHE WAS MOVING OUT NO DISCUSSION, OR ANYTHING. I BECAME VERY DEPRESSED AND SUICIDAL. IT HAS NOW BEEN 8 MONTHS, SHE WANTS TO CONTINUE TO BE IN MY LIFE AS A FRIEND, I AM SELFISH SO I HAVE TRIED IT, AND BELEIVE ME IT IS NOT A WISE THING TO TRY. I AM STILL IN LOVE WITH HER. I THINK I NEED PSYCIATRIC HELP, IM GOING TO HAVE A BREAK DOWN, I JUST DO NOT KNOW HOW TO LET HER GO!! DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE BY TRYING TO STAY FRIENDS WITH AN EX, THEY R THE ONES WHO WILL FEED OFF U, TAKE U FOR WHAT THEY NEED AT THE TIME. THE LEAVER IS THE ONE WHO MADE THAT CHOICE TO LEAVE, AND I FEEL U R THE BETTER ONE.

Posted by Romy, at 07:34 on Sun, Jan 13th

I also just had a split after a two year relationship. The answer is work, in a relationship there wont be everythng allright anyway. You have to work on it. But you should always be the same. Dont be to nice just that you can say yes to girl. If there is some trouble then the consequence is that you have to talk, not always, just if its a real problem you cant finish to think about. If you sereously think theres no future for you both, then the best thing is you tell her. Its also her time to live. dont stay together for any reason, just for love and admitting. You shouldn have the impression that I am one of these girls just "to wanna have fun". But this is a special point. to whom you will have fun if not to your girlfriend. In a realationship its good to know that the other person cares, so its the best you start to care. Sometimes just let her being jealous, but in the same moment do clearly say to her that shes the only person you love. This is a real deep moment. To come back to the topic its good, if you really know you will split, just to dont play with her feelings. Perhaps after some months you will be able to talk to her just the way you talk to a friend. You have to accept the human beings out there, others doesnt exist.

Sorry for my bad english

Posted by Holly, at 01:43 on Sun, Jan 13th

'You deserve someone who'll care more about you than clubbing and getting slashed,' is what I'd say. Poor girl. Another victim of a commitment phobe society.

Posted by Lee Anne, at 21:44 on Fri, Jan 11th

Hi Kacey, it did come to an end..today...and it really needed to end in July when i saw things that i wasn't to happy with. buit it is all good like i said i have some freedom from expressing myself and free to do what i need to do.
thnks kacey

Posted by Kacey, at 20:00 on Fri, Jan 11th

Lee Anne - I don't know your situation but before it gets to not picking up the phone, why not talk about things so it all comes to an end?? xxx

Posted by Lee Anne, at 19:35 on Fri, Jan 11th

Well Ladies...The time came and what I found was FREEDOM...I got a phone call and didn't answer it but she left a message that got me so pissed offffff i called her back and told her here you want to hear what I have to say....People just can't take responsibility of there own actions and words that come out of there mouth... even with me being soooooo pissed offf i held my composer (yelled alot) but most important told the TRUTH. Look ladies like they say it takes 2 to TAngo...My part was allowing things to happen, those signs were there but i chose to hold on. Don't let the fantasy of love get u like that. I want to thank Toni for sending me this site and question because it helped me to help myself in what I needed to do for myself. I have a motto "It starts with u and ends with u" I forgot my motto...Thanks again Ladies
Lee

Posted by Lee Anne, at 16:21 on Fri, Jan 11th

I too, am going through a break up...lucky me , i am not living with the person. I don't return the phone calls or the messages that she has left me. I am so heated with her and her bullshit that I am afraid of what i will say to her. The truth hurts not only the person you are telling but it hurts to tell it too. The time will come when I will spill my guts and or feelings. I just have to compose myself and be civil about it. If you are living with someone...Bless ya baby. That is why I don't over step that boundary that I set some time ago. Damn feelings get in the way sometimes,but it is what we do with those feelings that is important. It is always good to be kind and sensitive. See the secret is, no matter how good things get in a relationship there are always going to be differences of opinions, differences of what u and her want or expect, key word here is differences...got it. so now the second thing is am i willing to make or take the consquences of this loving relationship. Good or bad there are always consequences for our actions. If you don't want to be a home body then don't have anyone move in with you....an other secret...KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID. Much love to all you ladies out there

Posted by Tammie, at 03:16 on Fri, Jan 11th

Well it sounds like to me ..... that you either have commitment 'issues', or you are just not ready to settle down, even tho you have found someone pretty special. Hey ho this is how the cookie crumbles and to be honest i think Lesbian relationships get serious far to quickly.... ya know there is even a joke about it !!!

Posted by Phoendish, at 02:37 on Fri, Jan 11th

Hmmm... sometimes no matter how well intending you are (i.e satyong friends) it just isn't mean to be.

I think relationships come to an end because they run their course. People can change in a day let alone over a years time, and what was attaractive then isn't always so now.

Just be honest with yourself and play it by ear....

Posted by EC, at 22:31 on Thu, Jan 10th

I agree with what Emma said. Just be honest about how you feel (forget all the fancy stuff, it won't make the break up hurt less), but try to use kind and gentle words. Good luck, and let us know how it went.

Posted by rachel, at 20:01 on Thu, Jan 10th

i recently just split up with my girlfriend for the same reason cos it was becoming routine and im too young for routine! but we have stayed friends and i must say it was a bad idea becos now whenever im the slightest bit over-nice she gets the wrong impression and thinks that i want back in her pants which is wrong! i just wish i had of left it a while before we became friends again. so i advise from my own experience that you dont become friends too quick let it cool off for a while.

Posted by ella, at 19:26 on Thu, Jan 10th

dont try and be friends just yet cos it wont work ul probly just end up sleeping with each other again. once youve broken up one of u has to be strong because otherwise it will get harder. be truthful to her tell her how ur feeling and that u know its not going to work because if she thinks it will shel try and persuade you. just be strong sweet and i hope it goes ok for you. sending hugs and strength ur way xxxxx xd