Ex Etiquette

Win a copy of The L Word (Series 4) DVD - leave a comment letting us know about an experience you have had with an Ex.

Going from being in a relationship to being friends is never a smooth journey, sadly it's happened to me a few times and it always seems that both parties have different perceptions of what being an Ex involves. My first major breakup was with the first girl I ever really loved, we’ll call her Kelly – because that's her name! ;) We got engaged after a few months and were living together, the first sign things weren't going to work out was when I found out she had slept with someone else, always a giveaway that it’s time to move on. It was a textbook breakup, we talked for hours, tears flowed and we promised to always remain friends.

I was heartbroken when it ended but I picked myself up and moved on with my life, new relationships beginning and ending and friendships evolving whilst others sadly dissolved. I didn't hear from Kelly after a few months and those months eventually turned into years. I had forgotten her, or at least I was having too much fun to remember her.

Then, out of the blue, I get a phone call whilst I was at work. The person on the end of the phone sounded insistent, "Hi, it's Kelly. I really need to speak to you urgently. I know its been a while. Can you talk? Are you somewhere quiet?"

"Er, I'm at work. So no, it's not really quiet." I responded. I'd been caught off guard and for a few seconds my brain struggled to resolve Kelly with someone I knew. Unfortunately for me, I quickly remembered who Kelly was.

"Call me back when you have found somewhere quiet!" She gave me her number. I scribbled it down. The line went dead. I sat momentarily and pondered whether I gave a shit. I decided I didn't, but gave into curiosity instead. Punching the number into my phone, I leaned back into my chair having not bothered to find somewhere "quiet".

Barely one ring had completed when the line connected. "Hi, I'm glad you called. I have something really important to tell you. How are you?"

"I'm suprised to hear from you," I blurted, "but I'm good thanks. How did you get my number? I haven't heard from you in years! What's the emergency? Are you ok?"

"Look," she said seriously, "I don't want you to be upset, but I wanted you to be the first person I told. I didn't want you to hear it from anyone else."

Had she only six months to live? Had she won the lottery? Was she going to prison? Had she given me something she shouldn't have? The possibilities were racing through my mind.

"I'm getting married!" she announced bouncily. A slight pause followed. The pause quickly turned uncomfortable and I realised it was my turn to speak.

"Congratulations!" I blurted. My response was too late, but she appeared to ignore it. "She's very lucky," I said trying to recover, "I'm married too, isn't it great?"

Silence. I felt a chasm opening up below me, threatening to consume me. "You are already married?". She sounded genuinely shocked. Obviously she had expected me to still be crying in my Frosties over her. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"We both moved on remember," I replied, "I didn't think you'd want to know. We exchanged rings just over 4 years ago."

The conversation ended as abruptly as it had begun. I sensed that I wouldn't hear from Kelly again. Thank god!

I think there should be a manual, a compulsory booklet that they issue to everyone in schools like a chicken pox vaccination. The title of this booklet? Ex Etiquette. An idiots guide of precisely what not to do once you have split up with someone. This is a manual that needs to be written. The first chapter is entitled "When its over, its over". I think I'll write it, any suggestions?

Win a copy of The L Word (Series 4) DVD - leave a comment letting us know about an experience you have had with an Ex.