Proof Catwoman Isnt A Lesbianby Toni
Some movies just dont deserve wasting a tub of Ben and Jerrys on. I was forced to watch the Catwoman movie last night with some friends and what followed was a lengthy drunken debate - "Is Catwoman a Lesbian?"
I argued on the lesbian side for two reasons;
Halle Berry is crazy hot in that movie
The world needs a Lesbian Superhero (with an oiled up body and revealing leather catsuit)
I was determined to convice the others that Catwoman was infact a closet dyke, a loosely held argument soley based upon the fact that we all wanted to do some nasty things to her.
Any sane person would have left it there, but during lunch today my mind started to wander again and I've now come to the conclusion that it was just wishful thinking. I now have a good solid case to prove that Catwoman was infact straight, I'll set the scene ...
Damsel In Distress: Help! Help! That evil villain just stole my handbag!
*Catwoman removes her normal clothes to reveal her hot leather catsuit and prances into action*
Catwoman: Fear not lady! For I am Catwo...
Girlfriend: Oh My God! Are you hitting on that girl in front of me?
Catwoman: No baby, of course not. I'm a superhero I'm just doing my job.
Girlfriend: Ha! Of course you are! You only want to help her because you think she's pretty dont you?
Catwoman: No baby, dont be crazy, I love you.
Girlfriend: Whatever! ...and why do you have to wear that leather catsuit? You dont see SuperGirl flying around with her tits out do you?
Catwoman: Come on, don't be mad baby. I will be back in a second.
*Catwoman cracks her whip and is about to chase the villain*
Girlfriend: Are you kidding me? A leather catsuit AND a whip? SuperGirl would manage to save the world in her PJ's and save the catsuit for bed!
Damsel In Distress: Help! Help! He's getting away! Do something!
Girlfriend: *cough* SLUT *cough*
Damsel In Distress: Excuse me?
Catwoman: He's almost out of sight. Baby I love you, can we do this later?
Catwoman: What now?
Girlfriend: You never put me first.
Catwoman: Baby it's my job, let me catch the criminal and we can talk, please dont be mad.
Girlfriend: I'm not mad, I'm just upset.
Catwoman: It's the same thing isn't it?
Girlfriend: No it's not the same thing! You know what tonight is.
Catwoman: I'm really sorry about your handbag but I'm going to have to sit this one out. It's our 5 month anniversary tonight and we're on our way home to work our way through the Box Set of The L Word on DVD. I'd help you but my girlfriends really looking forward to it.
Girlfriend: No, we're really looking forward to it!!
Damsel In Distress: F**king Lesbians!
And there you have it ... conclusive evidence that Catwoman is infact straight!