Relationship Survival Lesson 1: Saying Sorry

The longer a relationship lasts the more likely I am to screw up, so learning to say sorry has become a necessity. You don’t need a degree in Advanced Mathematics to understand that an unhappy girlfriend = no sex. Whether you're apologising for not noticing a new hair cut, forgetting an anniversary or getting so drunk at her sisters wedding that you ended up throwing up over her mum's favourite dress, what you say and do counts for a lot.

Communication

But first you need to understand what you're apologising for. If your girlfriend is giving you the cold shoulder and you aren't sure what you did wrong you need to get her talking. To make your suffering as brief and as painless as possible, act fast, the longer she bottles it up the worse things will get. If it's something big enough for her to be genuinely upset about then you should have some idea of what it is. If you're oblivious then tread carefully, don't go taking a stab in the dark and start apologising for making out with her best friend when she was only upset that you blocked up the plughole.

Its possible she just needs to vent in which case all you need to do is listen, although it sounds simple, it's not as straight forward as it may seem. Whilst she is taking the time to let you know exactly what it was that upset her, and why it has upset her you have to stay calm, stay focussed and pay attention. If you are anything like me you will have a strong urge to interrupt and tell your side of the story, big mistake, just shut up and listen.

Make her laugh

If you didn't do anything to warrant a full blown apology then try making her see the funny side. Like all good comedians though you need to know your audience; use your judgement to accurately gauge just how mad she really is, cracking a joke whilst she's at boiling point is only going to result in a full blown explosion. Also, it's important that you use your humour wisely, if you forgot to do the washing up a little humour could defuse the situation, if she finds a hotel receipt in the pocket of your jeans, it's really not the time to be funny.

Don't ever apologise with flowers

It's always nice to receive flowers and I'm all for taking the easy way out, after all, two minutes on the phone to Interflora is a lot less effort than sitting her down, finding out what's wrong and making the effort to put things right, but hear me out. If she doesn’t see through your lack of effort and the flowers manage to stay out of the bin, every time she looks at them they will serve as a reminder of your screw up. It's much better to fix things up first and then send flowers, this way they are an unexpected surprise with no ulterior motive.

Give her some space

Sometimes the only thing to do is walk away. Leave the room. Leave the house. Give her some space and time. I'm not suggesting that you storm out while she's mid sentence. That's a sure-fire way to get the contents of your wardrobe following you out the door. Recognise that whilst she is furious there may be no reasoning with her. Let her know you are ready to talk when she has collected her thoughts and calmed down, and then make yourself scarce.

Just say sorry

When you are growing up saying “sorry” is a magical thing, and so easy to do. No matter what you have done, a simple “sorry”, even if you don't mean it, and all is forgiven. It was a simpler time. As an adult, sorry just doesn't seem to cut it and forgiveness isn't so readily given, with this in mind, when you say you're sorry, make sure you mean it. Look her in the eye when you're apologising and try to specify exactly what it is you’re sorry about, that way, she'll be sure you understand her. Choose your words carefully; "I'm sorry if what I did upset you" is not an apology or an admission of wrong doing, your simply trying to pass the blame onto her, like it's her fault that she is upset with you.

Sometimes you'll need to be a bit creative with you apologies but in others you'll just need to admit that you were wrong. Whatever you have to do, suck it in and get on with it, just think, the sooner it's done the sooner you get to enjoy makeup sex!

Leave a comment letting us know the last thing you had to apologise for or your tried and tested method of saying sorry and one of you will win an Ann Summers goody bag.