Lesbian Sex Positions For Dummiesby Helen Childs
A girl's got to start somewhere hasn't she!? I'm sure we've all been in situations where we're left wondering what exactly the side-show contortionist we've hastily bedded is trying to achieve as she vaults across the room via the chandelier (what can I say, the décor at my house is a little pretentious!). Let's face it; it doesn't always quite go to plan. I for one have ended up in many an unladylike position, some of which have ended painfully; not a heartbroken sobbing wreck, but more like concertinaed into the splits and wedged between a wall and a bed. Believe me; nobody looks pretty from that angle! So, here are a few basics as a refresher for us all and as some handy (no pun intended) hints and tips for you lovely ladies who haven't given it a bash yet... So to speak.
Jump right in girls, the water's warm!
I have it on good authority that this is currently called 'The Student' because statistically (that's right, Mathematics... it must be true!) this is both the most common position to have sex in and the one you are most likely to use in your first girl-on-girl experience. I might also argue that it's the one you're most likely to develop "Lesbian-Bed-Death" (now an official medical term) in, which bookends the whole thing rather nicely. To use the more widely accepted terminology, I'd call this "Vanilla"; Tasty, available at every good ice-cream vendor, but sadly quite plain. It involves full body contact and the kind of intimacy that you can only get from holding somebody closely and staring into her beautiful eyes whilst you're whispering those three all important words. No, I'm not referring to "I've had better!"
Yes. I know. It's the least sexy word for anything that ever existed. It'd be hotter to call it an X-man name. But, most surprisingly, it's not a word that I realised existed until I was writing this (I apologise, if I'm alone in this. Thank you for providing me with a reason to educate myself in cunning linguistics...ahem). After extensive research on your behalf with a close personal friend of mine (I'm selfless to a fault I admit it) we discovered that it pretty much describes 'humping'. I assume they renamed it because that's equally unattractive. To quote the pixie friend in question, it's when "You get giddy on someone's leg"... or hip, or knee, or pretty much whichever body part, including genitals, you choose to rub yourself against, and is far sexier than any of the words I've used to describe it suggests. I'm not Sarah Waters. So shoot me.
Everybody say "Ahhhhhh!" In which you lie behind her, fitting together like two spoons in the cutlery drawer of love. (pauses to dry heave)
The traditional "Muff Dive". Well, I've always said it; you really can't beat a classic! Oral sex comes in many shapes and forms depending on how limber you're feeling, but the "This is a stick-up...Spread 'em!" approach never goes amiss. Also, and this is my 'HOT TIP' for August (so make the most of it because I normally play my cards much closer to my chest), she will be screaming her head off if, while you're going down on her, you penetrate her at the same time just enough to find her G-spot. I.e. NOT just with whatever comes to hand... chocolate bar, candle, bed-side lamp; NO, NO, NO! It's a guaranteed winner, or your money back. Not that you've paid me anything...we'll just have to work something out! Obviously, it's a given that, as with all of these positions (but particularly with this because no-one wants a teeth related accident to lead to anyone being kneed in the face), you make an effort to be sensitive to her needs (take instruction from her as to how she likes it) and as with all things it involves it own sets of risks including getting lock-jaw if you get too carried away. Just a word to the wise.
One such clichéd variation is the "69", and does exactly what it says on the tin, letting you both go down on each other at the same time. Vive La Equalite! However, if like me you're a barely-there wisp of a thing (unless you've asserted yourself and insisted on being on the top deck) you run the risk of inducing a bout of claustrophobia, especially if your chosen partner if considerably bigger than you are. It's certainly harder to relax and enjoy the experience if you're concentrating on more bread and butter issues... like breathing! This brings me to the next position which is basically a sort of lazy '69', in that it's exactly the same but on your side, which has the added bonus of you both having an arm free to do whatever you please with. Probably not a good idea to suggest thumb-wars though.
This is that old Romantic Monty Python song: 'Sit on my face... and tell me that you love me!' Not that I need to mention it, but singing the actual song whilst doing it will almost certainly kill the mood... as, infact, will mentioning Monty Python or any of their sketches at all during sex; it DOES NOT constitute 'Talking Dirty!'
Doing someone from behind is more versatile than you might assume and can be totally mind-blowing, especially for the lucky girl in the more passive pose because it allows for very deep either vaginal or anal penetration. If you're feeling particularly like showing off it's possible to reach around and stimulate her clitoris at the same time. Moreover, with her in this position and if you're a competent enough multi-tasker to achieve all of the above simultaneously, maybe you could rest a book on her back and get a little light reading done too. Or not. This is an excellent default position for a quickie, especially if you enjoy a little role play, and want to grab your partner and bend her over pretty much any object in the vicinity... the kitchen top, a work desk, a bench in the park. Though, with regards to my last suggestion, I will responsibly mention that you might get arrested for that so think twice unless you also have a thing for uniforms. Ooh... a charge desk in a police station... okay, now I'm getting carried away. They definitely wouldn't let you do that. Puritans!
In this position your legs represent the blades of a pair of scissors, enabling you to grind against each other as if you were two sets of scissors facing each other with the blades over-lapping. In all honesty I can't think of a situation where you'd be doing this with your stationary, unless you were terminally bored, which makes you wonder why they (the faceless people embodying the popular trends) called it this. Nevertheless it really is fun and sexy but can be difficult to get right and both come at the same time. It's a skill to be acquired, just so that you can say you can! It's also given rise to many a comedy drunken situation where I've tried to demonstrate how tricky it can be to horrified hetero on-lookers at parties only to slip over in the kitchen while trying to get my leg off a sideboard. Dislocated hips aside, you can't help but feel a sense of personal accomplishment when done correctly. Not dissimilar to this but using slightly fewer of your cunningly acquired trapeze artist skills is the sitting version of Scissors.
That's right, the enjoyable kind, not sitting in on a Saturday night watching fame-crazy nobodies sleep and argue over toast on Big Brother. Getting a third party involved in your sex life doesn't necessarily mean they have to touch you. Sometimes it can be as much of a turn on to be watched by a gorgeous mystery 'other', even if they do only have one arm (I refer you to my picture)... but maybe that does it for you?!
If you really want to mix things up you can always introduce the third person physically into the fun, which allows for many more permutations of positions. In this particular example one of you can receive oral sex whilst the giver is taken from behind. It occurs to me that ideally you want to aim to be the filling in the sandwich rather than the bread. I suppose for the sake of etiquette you should let everyone have a turn, as tempting as it would be for it to be all about me... me... ME! But then I am an only child!
I'm a firm believer in Safer Sex, but particularly if you're referring to a little light bondage. In a comfortable, trusting environment being out of control, or on the flip-side in complete control, can be a massive turn on. As can the introduction of sex toys if you feel inclined to spice things up a bit. Preferably though, don't enter into it with someone who thinks it's hilarious to wander off to the shops for a few hours and leave you trussed-up and tethered like you've been shipped off to market for sale.
Enough said. Don't be a wall-flower and fun will be had by all.
So, I hope you've enjoyed our whistle stop tour. There are of course a myriad of sexual positions which can be achieved for a more fulfilling and acrobatic type sex life, and much I haven't touched on as yet, but ultimately it's important to bare in mind a few crucial things. Any position is easier and more fun on a soft surface and with enough lube, and, sex is great but don't do it to the exclusion of important life details such as working, eating, sleeping, and washing. Especially washing!!! Oh, and most importantly, the thing to remember is to be happy, comfortable and safe, and I don't mean making sure you pack a brick and some mace before you embark on a rendezvous.
Leave a comment letting us know your favourite position or if we missed out a vital one!
Toni: The girls were left unsupervised to do this shoot, and we filmed it, take a look at the carnage!