Am I the only gay girl who was born without a gaydar? My lack of ability to sense if a girl is straight or gay is beyond belief. On any given night out, guaranteed I am the person sniffing around the fag-hag all night long trying to suss out whether she likes chick or dick!

Fortunately my days of misfiring gaydar seemed to be a thing of the past when a mate of mine taking pity on me, pointed me in the right direction. Basically Arlan came up with this idea that if you wear a piece of purple string around your wrist that indicates you are a lesbian. If you wear the string on your right wrist you are single, on the left you are taken, genius! Apparently the craze is sweeping the U.S and has made its way to our shores. All I needed to do now was look out for girl with a purple piece of string around her wrist, and of course get myself one as well.

Like most gay girlies at one time or another I have had the (mis)fortune of cruising women on GaydarGirls, in fact I am ashamed to admit I have been a registered member for almost two long years with very little success. Although I have yet to find love on the Dar I still religiously hand over my £5 every month so that I may send and receive limitless messages from women (well they claim to be women) all over the world that are in the same sorry position I am in.

Yes that’s right, £5 every month for two years costing me a total of £125. In hindsight I should have saved myself the time and used the £125 on an attractive escort out of the Yellow Pages, or gone to Soho and used it on three not so attractive (or clean) escorts, either way at least I would have ended up with something to show for my efforts even if it was just a nasty case of crabs.